There & Back Again

“Roads go ever ever on, 

over rock and under tree, 

By caves where never sun has shone, 

by streams that never find the sea;”

An Unexpected Journey. 

It was one of those days. You know? One of those days where you spend a couple hours chopping wood, then cooking a five-star meal, before retiring for a game of snooker and three and a half pints or so of gnat's piss.

"Let's have a quiet night in" I suggested. 

There was a knock at the door and, before I knew it, my larder was in shock.

It was a shock to me that I even had a larder.

I may have dreamt of a quiet retirement in the heart of nowhere, but clearly this was not meant to be. 

A fellowship was formed and I was persuaded, by dint of multiple bottles of local beverage, to go on an adventure. A search for golden treasure hidden at the other end of elsewhere.

An adventure! Hadn't I already lived a full and meaningful life? What did I need of wild adventures? Or even a slightly docile one? 

Surely another bottle of wine would cure me of this infuriating need?

...

The next morning I awoke in a haze. Bloody weather. 

A note had been left on the kitchen side. "Do the damned washing up, then we're off!"

So we left, leaving the ponies (and washing up) behind. Instead we travelled in our battery-driven knock-off American automobile, heading ever onwards. 

After many twists and turns (roads are like that) we came across a wide gorge and, clinging precariously to its side...

...a strange village with an even stranger name; Saint Cirq Lapopie.

Our fellowship was made up of four humans and, well, that was it actually. We were with two old friends (I also have young friends...)

...and a young wife...

Thankfully, this strange and perilous village provided us with second breakfast, merging, after an appropriate amount of wine, into lunch, before we headed across the barren landscapes to further our quest.

The Breaking of the Fellowship:

It finally happened. Our erstwhile friends had had enough. Too many forced meals had turned their livers to foi gras, their blood glucose to new heights. 

They left us, alone and forlorn, searching hopelessly for aid in our now all but hopeless quest.

Enter Nomad, son of Gnome. 

With the help of our new trusty steed, we faced the long journey north towards Arctic regions, beyond which lie such realms as Groinland and other Subservient States of The Trump Empire. 

Such a long journey required many stops for coffee, sleep, and more coffee, until we finally reached our goal: the Aged and Wise One. 

From our window (yes, our steed has windows) we could see the oracle's home 'Les Airelles' which, in the elven tongue, means 'Hotel California'.

Here we met with the ancient one who gave us words of sage philosophical advice such as "Who are you?" and "What am I doing here?" before we left for our final goal, the Dordogne. 

Maybe not the most direct route I've ever taken...

We arrived, after a long and perilous journey, in the southern reaches of the Dordogne, in a small village of, for some unknown reason, two names; Carsac-Aillac. I guess they couldn't make their minds up.

We moored our steed and continued our search for golden treasure.

We forded a treacherous rampaging torrent.

Thankfully washing facilities were freely available.

Our progress was impeded by mysterious tree-like creatures.

Mysteriously, they actually were trees.

Would we find here what we were searching for? Maybe within this golden building protected by a whomping willow? (Oops, mixing my classics here.)

Entering this aged church, Annick was somewhat surprised and 'inconvenienced'. It seemed to be an empty space, void of humanity. However, upon entering, the lights came on and the organ started grinding. Then hallowed voices chanted their hymnic verses. Modern technology meets aging edifice. The effect on Annick was profound. Not so much a profound religious experience, more of a profound knicker-wetting experience.

The lack of local conveniences was evident.

There were no signs of golden treasure, in fact, we began to suspected a trap. 

Turning, we saw the giant rock troll towering over us...

Time to exit stage left.

Roads go ever ever on

Under cloud and under star,

Yet feet that wandering have gone

Turn at last to home afar.

And so we arrived back home, in time to see the garden bursting into the very golden treasure that we had been searching for. 

The other end of elsewhere is nowhere else but home. (How's that for some deep philosophical thought?)

Time for another garden video methinks.

Lost Time is Never Found Again.

Fourteen years ago we stumbled upon a shard of paradise, fallen to earth deep in the pyrenees. 

We instantly fell in love with the place, and it repaid us by providing us with a haven, whilst sucking my wallet dry. Worth (nearly) every penny.

However, changes crept upon us. The climate slowly (but not slowly enough) warmed, reducing winter's snow. Age reduced our ability to hide the painful cries resulting from every fall. Each and every tumble left its mark. 

Meanwhile our other responsibilities tied us more and more to our main abode, keeping us from our mountain retreat. Time's they were a'changin'. It was time to sell. Our Hydeaway, much valued and much financially draining, had to go. 

Onto the market it went. Bureaucracy knew no bounds. As much as I love France, I do occasionally wish its white collar workers could find alternative employment. Calling Mr Musk.

However, back in the real world (you know, the one Trump is trying to destroy), our caring responsibilities approached the point of overwhelming us. On gradually realising that we needed to recover our personal life, another hard decision had to be made, one that filled us both with guilt. 

All happened with surprising speed. The normal French version of 'mañana' was left behind us in our backdraft. Before we knew it, we were driving north with maman riding shotgun. Six hours of motorway driving interspersed with multiple prolonged toilet stops with the aid of our in-house wc, ending up at a nursing home near Paris. Very near many of our family. 

It's near Crécy-la-Chapelle if any of you wish to visit.

Watch out for flooding...

After initial adjustment, she appears happy. We are still racked with guilt.

Despite that guilt, in fact because of it, we intend making best use of our new time, and boring your pants off by keeping you informed.

For instance, on St Valentines day, instead of having a romantic meal in a hyper-expensive restaurant packed with heaving bodies, we sped off to Cordes-sur-ciel for a romantic yoghurt in the camper-van. No mention of heaving bodies...

A room with a view.

The view as mentioned above.

A typical street in Cordes.

Typical creatures found in Cordes.

Another typical creature.

And yet another.

Then, within days, Luke arrived with his entourage, and after a couple of days frolicking around the pool, and doing the French gourmand thing...

Chez Ernest, our favourite resto in Montauban.

...we all set off to the Pyrenees, visiting, of course, our favourite resto in the mountains.

La Soulan

Now please sit back and relax as, instead of boring you stiff with a load of photos of our stay in the mountains, I've chucked them all together in a glorious video:

It was a great week, reminding us of how much we love the place, as do our kids and their offspring.

So this got me thinking...

This is me, thinking...

We have taken the house off the market.

Result.

And to prove we're not losing any more time, we spent the last night of the month stargazing for lined-up planets close to Saint Cirq Lapopie. 

 Our van was close to it, not the planets themselves...

This thing all things devours,

Birds, beasts, trees, and flowers.

Gnaws iron, bites steel,

Grinds hard stones to meal,

Slays king, ruins town,

And beats high mountain down.

Gollum

The Tanzanian Top Ten

'Serengeti Sunrise'

After laboriously and lovingly checking out, individually, all 20,000 photos taken during our three weeks in Tanzania, I've made a pointless attempt at choosing my ten favourites.

It is very unlikely that anyone will agree with the order of these photos, and it is quite likely that I will change my mind next time I look at them. However, I've tried to give a rationale for each decision...

Number 10 - 'Le Bisous'.

As finding the painted wolves (African wild dogs) was our main objective, including at least one photo of them is obligatory. They play and hunt at dawn and dusk, with very little movement in-between. Therefore lighting levels for photography are challenging (as is most wildlife photography). 

I've included two shots of them in the top ten. This first one has little action, making it easier to get good definition/detail.

This was taken late in the day, just before sundown, so the ISO had to be set high at 3200 with a shutter speed of 1/500, just fast enough to get good detail. The noise due to the high ISO was easy to get rid of.

The photo shows two young males taking a break in the middle of play-fighting to kiss each other's cheeks ('le bisous' in French). In actual fact, this was a prelude to an attack. There was an injured hyena (bitten by a wolf attack) trapped in a bush next to them and they were waiting for it to attempt an escape. Unfortunately for the dogs, the attempt was made only when five other hyenas arrived. 

The battle commenced. As it threw up a cloud of dust, and as all contestants moved with lightning fury, getting a good photo was impossible. Very impressive to see though...

'Le Bisous'

Number 9 - 'Passing By'.

These two Palm-nut Vultures are much more photogenic than the average vulture. Average vultures are sadly lacking in all self-respect and regularly attempt to win the 'ugly awards'. 

Being relatively slow moving, they were easy to photograph in motion. 

I like this photo because it seems to show one bird inspecting the undercarriage of the other. You can almost sense its disapproval...

'Passing By'

Number 8 - 'Necks at Dawn'.

There are very many giraffes in Tanzania. Hunting of them is banned and anyway, hanging their head on a wall would be tricky. 

Despite seeing them everywhere, it is difficult getting any action photos. They gallop in slow motion, they pose like multiple telegraph poles. To catch them fighting as they are in this photo is a rare opportunity. They swing their long necks in an attempt to bang their horns against their opponent's chest. Severe injuries do occur. 

It now seems likely that, although their necks may have evolved additional length to access leaves in trees, the extreme elongation may well be due to this method of fighting, he with the longer neck winning due to the greater force, thus being the one to reproduce. This would also explain why the females have shorter necks.

In this photo they both kindly took a swing at the same time..

'Necks at Dawn'

Number 7 - 'Peekin'.

We saw few leopards this time, and this one we glimpsed for only a short moment. 

She was in trouble. 

At the foot of this tree was a pack of lions intent on killing her. This shot shows her peeking around the large branch that she had taken refuge on, to see if we were prepared to help.

We weren't.

'Peekin'

Number 6 - 'An Up and Under'.

These two lionesses were part of a pack of seven. They were on the move, lionesses racing ahead while the large male was dragged reluctantly behind, knowing that was the only way to get his just desserts.

As they ran, the young lionesses were playing, dodging in and out of each other's path. Lots of movement, difficult to track, great result.

'An Up and Under'

Number 5 - 'Necking'.

This is the second of the two photos of painted wolves. It shows them in full action during their intense play-fighting. 

They were in the shade with a bright background. Every photographer's nightmare. This was taken at 1/800 of a second, just fast enough to freeze the action, but the resulting noise was difficult to edit out.

'Neckin'

Number 4 - 'Bee Hunt'.

This photo of a little bee-eater is the first of two shots requiring a special technique called RAW-burst. It was taken at 1/3200 of a second, nearly but not quite freezing the motion of this extremely fast moving bird. An effective focal length of 800mm meant tracking was really tricky.

'Bee Hunt'

Number 3 - 'Roll-up'.

A similar shot to the previous one, but this lilac-breasted roller was closer and the lighting was better, Taken at 1/4000 second meant almost no motion blur.

'Roll-up'

Number 2 - 'Dawn Raid'.

These two ground hornbills were easier to capture in motion due to their larger size and slower movement. The big problem here however was the lighting. To capture detail of the bird was not difficult, but the sky was comparatively way too bright even at dawn to get any detail in the sky. Thus I had to take two photos, one of the birds taking off, then another immediately after, exposed for the sky. Then glue the two photos together...

'Dawn raid'

Number 1 - 'Self-Portrait'.

This photo, which, for obvious reasons, is called 'self-portrait', is a rarity. It is not uncommon to see lions in trees, but it is VERY unusual to see an adult male doing so. Especially this guy who appears to have eaten an entire wildebeest. None of the guides in the camp had seen this before in their entire careers.

Also, this is exactly how I feel after having spent three weeks in a truck, on a bed or at a dining table...

'Self Portrait'

Special Mentions:

Although there are many other photos I'm pleased with, this little guy deserves a special award for flashing:

'Flashing'

Also, no collection is complete without a dawn/dusk photo. 

Here is one capturing a marabou stork puncturing the sun. 

'Sun-burst'

You may also notice a sunset panorama sneaked in at the top of this page.

And finally...

Incase you missed it first time round, here's a short video with most (but not all) of my favourite photos...

And a final finally...

The full story. Three weeks in Tanzania contracted down to a mere sixteen minutes...

Heading Home: Day 21 of our Awesome African Adventure.

And so to our final day here in Tanzania. The last blog. You must be disappointed...

Normally our last day would be just a drive to the airstrip, then the day spent waiting in airports trying to log on to the airport 'free' wifi, but this time, by a major feat of organisation and pure luck, we had almost all day to go on a drive, our flights not starting until mid-afternoon.

So, our last chance to see rhinos. Our last chance to see caracal Our last chance to get completely bogged down and miss that flight.

Finally, on our last day; a decent sunrise. Up until now they had been spoilt by smoke or clouds. Often both. Today, clear sky with only artistically designed clouds to add ambience.

As usual, a giraffe wanders by in the hope of becoming viral on the internet.

Just incase you are crossing your legs in anticipation: No, we did not find rhinos. We did find quite a lot of bogs though...

Also, this cute bat-eared fox...

...and jackals quite happy to pose for the camera.

As usual, there were large herds all sorts of grass-eating meat-on-legs. These topi for instance...

The lions that we followed yesterday are still around and still hungry. Perhaps they couldn't decide which topi to go for?

These kitties are full of love.

Don't try this at home.

We coasted by the Mara again looking for rhinos.

...and yet again got stuck. This was when we realised for sure that the diff-lock was broken. Being towed out also broke the rear bar. Work required...

After this we had to be much more careful, neither wanting to be rescued again nor missing our afternoon flight.

We did, however, manage to attend the local nose waving competition.

We dined next to a pride of lions dozing on some rocks. As one does.

Then, as needs must, we headed for the airstrip to start our laborious journey back home. 

One sad farewell with our guide and friend Ian. No, that's is not him in the photo...

Four flights lasting all night through to mid-morning the next day.

Five bagage checks of increasing intensity and pointlessness.

Multiple meals at unconventional and inconvenient times of day. 

One flight film in multiple small parts interrupted by meals, drinks, announcements, technological blips, and sleep. 

One car trip, trying to remember where we put our bloody parking ticket and which side of the road to drive on.

Two people sad to leave, happy to be home, totally and completely knackered.

The toothpaste made it till the end.