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Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Chasing Cheeks.

Passing the finishing line for the ten kilometre run in the Montauban Marathon last weekend was a slight disappointment. It's not that I could've gone on much further. No, not that (because, frankly, I was close to collapse). It wasn't even the lack of endorphin rush that everyone keeps telling me about. (Is that even a thing?)
It was the end of the bottoms.
Let me explain.
I was on my own. Several had promised to run with me to help carry my portable respirator, none turned up. I was to run alone. No one to chat to, no one to offer cardiac massage. Alone.
We set of slowly...

 

Well, I did anyway. 
It soon became clear that my training had not fully prepared me. These guys were running! Bloody hell! I needed to improvise. 
Whilst running, my field of view is somewhat narrow. I run looking down to check for stones and crevasses (I did train in the Pyrénées). This was different. Instead of rough tracks, there were lots of bottoms. Seriously! Pretty much all that I could see were bottoms. 
I had to turn this to my advantage. I focused on a passing pert derriere, and tried to keep up with it. I pushed myself to  stay close, fearful that I might lose that pert bottom, only for it to be replaced by something less attractive. Now I understand the word 'attraction'.
Well, I made it. Here I am looking totally knackered...

 
Unfortunately that was taken before the race...
And so, a big thank you to all my sponsors and a couple of pert bottoms. Seriously guys, thank you so much those that sponsored my run. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have had the will-power to do all that training if it wasn't for you. 
The total sponsorship was well over a thousand dollars!! I'm humbled. That sort of figure will certainly make a difference to the African Wildlife Foundation.

 

Thank you.

Phil

PS. If you want to further help the AWF, please visit www.philhyde.photos and buy photos, download, mugs etc. ALL profits go the AWF.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

Against all the odds

It has been an uphill battle, a series of unfortunate events, a fight for the finish line. 

This blog is based on a true story.

Today was a landmark day for me. And my dog. 

My fight for fitness has been more than a little fraught, leaving behind me a wake of littered bodies along with several bits of me...

After a false start 4 years ago, whence my failed attempt at running a 10K ended in hospital, I am now nearing my goal. Others, who have tried to help, have failed.

Take, as an example, my first running mate Paul, he of triathlon and Iron Man fame. Once he saw my fleetness of foot, easily outpacing all molluscs, he gave up, stating various excuses such as having to be at the side of his wife whilst in hospital and having major knee surgery himself. Poor excuses indeed. 

And then Geoff. After his first attempt to keep alongside me, his gastrocnemius gave way. (His version of the story would have you believe this happened on the ski slopes, hah!)

Then fate itself tried to intervene. On finishing my first 8 kilometre jog but two days ago, my feet ended up soaked in blood. Details have fortunately been redacted, suffice to say that one of my secondary sexual organs had a slight relapse. I now look forward to a camera being thrust somewhere where the sun never shines. No, not my bottom....

Leaving hospital, we travelled to the Pyrénées, via several toilet stops...


picking up Luke and Marta on the way.


Yesterday was a day of recovery, involving sliding down slopes rather than jogging up them.
 

Leading to today.

It was to start with a gentle jog up the mountain. Luke was to be my latest victim, but he suddenly discovered that remaining in bed was preferable to assaulting the mountains. There was only one to turn to. My trusty dawg, Sky.

 

When I say 'trusty' I mean that she can be trusted to eat anything. Alive or dead, moving or still. Anything. She is the very definition of a black hole. Forget global warming, our planet is gradually disappearing into Sky's gob.

Thus we set off. My jog was interrupted by the occasional poop stop (for Sky) and pee stop (for me). After jogging about 2K horizontally and what felt like 10K vertically, Sky came hopping past me. 

Passing me was quite understandable, but the hopping bit struck me as odd. Last time I looked, she was not of the rabbit persuasion. I stopped to give her a cursory glance (what us medical types call a full examination). This is one of those cases that jumps out and grabs you by the throat. 10 seconds to diagnose had to be spread over 20 minutes in the consultation room back in the day. Not necessary now, isolated in the middle of the thrusting mountain peaks. Her anterior cruciate had gone or, more technically, her knee was buggered.

Another had fell by the wayside. 

The return home was kept to Sky's new hobbling three legged rate (a fast jog for me). Once settled in, I set off once more for the mountain tops, completing my first ever 10K. Yay for me!

Well, we've now returned from another day on the slopes with the usual amazing views...

 
of the inside of a cloud...

Celebrations were somewhat reduced by Sky's debility...

 
Good night all...

Oh yes, thank you all for your amazing donations. Two weeks to go and already over one thousand dollars. I am humbled.

If any more wish to help save the planet, click here...

THANK YOU!!!