The Endless Plains, Chapter 29: No Worries.

Our last full day in the Serengeti. 

Some of you may be very relieved to hear that.

Dawn in the Serengeti.

These are the only photos of impalas that I have put in these blogs. Impalas and Gazelles are everywhere in this part of the Serengeti, and as they are the basic food for the larger predators, you kinda get used to them. Urgh, I don't mean to eat, I mean to look at!!

So: two special photos of them to finish on.

As the daylight arrived, we once more followed the Mara upstream. (If you can follow upstream...)

We spent some time in the company of a herd of elephants. You should try it sometime.

They seemed quite comfortable with us pointing cameras at them. Probably an improvement on shotguns.

There was a training class going on.

This guy was showing how to dig up tasty roots with your tusks.

Now your go.

Deeper.

That was just too exhausting.

Time for a hug.

No hugs for me - I'm British.

Ok guys, down to the river.

Uh. Maybe not.

Then, not long after these elephantine gymnastics was this now familiar scene:

Of course, it was one of those crossings that we were told was not going to happen. 

Were they going to go?

Nope.

Erm... maybe...

Yes!

And they're off!

Thousands of them.

Too many to count. Yes, I tried.

The prediction of zero crossings was now a total mockery.

And oh look, another young calf about to be...

...free.

Was this our last crossing to watch? 

Was this the last horrendous risk of diabolical death that we would witness?

You are allowed three guesses...

The Endless Plains, Chapter 28: Recovering from Lunch

That was some lunch. That was some understatement.

We had experienced many highs and many lows on this safari, but to have so many wrapped up in a single chapati like that was, to say the least, totally, absolutely, incredibly, unbelievably weird. We needed, after that infernal feast, something a little less, very much less, stomach churning.

We looked for something more serene. Well, giraffes are the ultimate serene animal.

My stomach began to unchurn.

Later on, after much searching, we struck gold. The prize of the afternoon was a leopard. 

There are more leopards here in the Northern Serengeti than there are in the eastern part where we had spent our first week. However, here they are a lot more difficult to spot, due to there being so many more places to hide. Trees, shrubs, although not, for some reason that escapes me, in rivers.

This girl had been difficult to find.

And difficult to follow.

After chasing her about for a while, she took refuge in a tree.

We travelled back roughly in the direction of our camp, not wishing to miss another forgettable meal.

And what do you know? There's always amazing stuff going on in the Serengeti.

These two may be peak predators, but, unlike the lunchtime horrors, they have certain beauty. They have compassion (but not a lot of it). They have love. Just don’t try to give them a hug.

There happen to be very few cactus trees in this part of Tanzania. We found this one, but look closely. This one had a special guest. 

A clue to surviving in the Serengeti; always look for tails hanging down.

And there it was. Another leopard, well hidden.

She moved to a more comfortable, cinematic tree for a dusk photo. (But still with that signature tail.)

Backlit at night.

Our penultimate full day in the Serengeti was over. Ultimate being the operative word...

This had been yet another phenomenal day. Our emotions had been stretched to the limit. Now, however, it was time to wind down. It would soon be time to travel back to a different civilisation where the dangers come mostly from humans, not so much from crocodiles. 

A day of rest was called for.

Nope, it wasn’t going to happen...

The Endless Plains, Chapter 27: Disgusting Dessert. Beware: Vomit-Inducing Photos.

 Well, that was emotionally draining. It was time to replenish our energy levels by restarting our stalled meal. 

We arrived back to our original lunch spot to see the huge happy hippo finally tiring of its terrible toy.

The hippo had become bored and thought it was time for a lie down. Hippos are particularly good at lying down. 

Left alone, the dead wildebeest was checked out by one of the many crocodiles hanging around. This crocodile was a monster, even by crocodile standards. And he was hungry, and when a giant crocodile is hungry, you need to pay attention.

However, there was 'nothing to see here', this kill was too fresh for today's banquet.

Now, in case you don't know, and why would you, crocodiles don't eat their kills straight away. Their teeth and jaws are designed (by a deranged madman) to capture and to hold below the water line. Not to slice up into nice little pieces and swallow à la steak tartar. Cutting they cannot do. Holding tight is their forté.

Marinading, for crocodiles, is obligatory. I quite appreciate it too. The kills are left underwater for a few days to 'soften up'. That is not quite how I do it.

Well, anyway, there we were, happy to have seen a hippo at play, perhaps disturbed a little by watching the death throws of a wildebeest, but overall content with our lot, looking forward to finally finishing our much delayed meal and then, at long last, relieving ourselves as nature intended. 

But nature had other ideas in mind...

There were strange things afoot. 

As already mentioned, there were many crocodiles hanging around here. Many more than I have ever seen before. 

They were all there for a reason.

The marinading of another kill was complete. 

MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU BOYS!

It all seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. The biggest crocodile with the biggest gaping maw that I have EVER seen decided, at that moment, to rip apart its lunch, and then swallow half an entire adult wildebeest in one prolonged nauseating gulp!

This is a picture that will be forever burned onto the back of my retinas. 

As if that wasn't enough to upset our appetite, there were many many other crocodiles that came to join in. 

This was a public party with all gormless gatecrashers welcome!

It turns out that swallowing half a wildebeest can mean limbs getting stuck in your throat.

And now they all fought for a piece. Uncountable numbers of crocodiles. Uncountable because they were writhing, snapping, swallowing, churning, heaving as if they were come from some deep, utterly vile level of Danté's Inferno.

To help break up the remains (as if you wanted to know) these giant horrors grip their marinaded carcasses and TWIST.

Several crocodiles twisting at the same time is beyond ethical description. Language has not been designed for this degree of absolute grotesque savagery.

Pieces of the carcass were ripped off and swallowed whole.

There was not total agreement as to which bit of wildebeest belonged to which lunch guest.

These two gargantuan monstrosities fought over an impossible to identify part of a once wildebeest.

The resulting brawl was simple underwater overzealous chaos. A macabre mess.

This truly is the stuff of nightmares.

This is the Godzilla of all crocodiles.

There can surely be no more fearsome predator.

An unforgettable meal. An unrepeatable experience. The stuff of psycho-horror movies. 

Never to be obliterated from our minds, despite all psychological help. 

Never to be outdone. Thankfully.

Never to be seen again this side of hell itself. 

And we still hadn't been able to relieve ourselves. 

Although...

...maybe I had...