My Portable Weather-Forecasting Device

It is oft said that the English talk incessantly about the weather.

Perhaps not everyone has met Annick.

Conversations often start with something like “Hi! It’s 32 degrees here…”

Well, who can blame her. Flitting between the Wye Valley, Montauban and the Pyrénées is bound to destabilise our internal temperature controls. This ability to adapt to changing temperatures will prove important in our future survival of the coming apocalypse as foretold by some, (mostly Ruth actually). Despite the ever-present doom, we have proven ourselves able to live in the most diverse regions of the planet. However, it does take time to adapt. For instance, those living on the coast may have to adapt by growing gills or maybe just evolving longer legs.

Predicting the weather will become ever more important. We have already moved on to more accurate predictors than seaweed. ‘Green and wet’ might be a useful indicator in Wales, but elsewhere, greater accuracy is required.

Thus the creation of ‘portable weather-forecasting devices’.

Many use their phones for determining rainfall etc. This has proven to be nearly as accurate as looking out of the window. (There is even an app that looks like a window opening to show the weather outside…)

My portable device is called Sky:

Sky, so named because of her meteorological abilities (I actually wanted to call her River, but was outvoted. As it turns out, her water divining abilities would have made this name fit perfectly…) She is the ideal portable device, in that she can actually move of her own volition, although getting her into the car occasionally requires a fork-lift truck. 

Here’s how this device works:

Rain. If raining or looking like rain, no way on earth will she go outside, short of the aforementioned fork-lift truck. If rain starts whilst already outside, her coat changes accordingly:

High Temperatures: At any temperature above 30 degrees celsius, Sky becomes immobile. Up to about 35 degrees she lies on her front and pants , above this she schlumps onto her side. The only force available to move her in this state is, you guessed it, food.

Cold. This feature is a little buggy as Sky is well endowed with modern insulating layers. This is ideal for cold weather conditions, thus allowing her to run around whilst Pippa shivers. Unfortunately she has also been known to run at other times. The tell-tale sign of low temperatures is that anyone taking her for a walk wears a coat…

Snow. Sky LOVES snow. She goes into fits of ecstasy, rolling and squirming oblivious to all potential dangers, including any readily available precipices…

Wind. Yes, Sky definitely wins in this department. Difficult to photograph however…

Last week over here in France, we have been hit with an unexpected heat wave. Early June and temperatures in the upper 30’s may sound great, but does come with its downside. We knew it was hot because Sky was flat out panting on her side. We, too, were flat out, but for us panting is not an option. Sweating is. Our unprepared state also included mosquitoes. They arrived in their thousands (well, one or two mosquitoes buzzing in the middle of the night can seem like thousands). Adapting to ‘mozzies’ is another habit we take for granted. keeping doors and windows shut at dawn and dusk, plugging in the mosquito killers, these things are not usually necessary in June. Oh dear.

Our short term solution was to leg it to the Pyrénées. As usual there was significant temperature drop, making life once more bearable and allowing the hounds to reboot their scampering mechanisms..

…whilst Sky tried out her heat reducing tactics…

Even us humans managed to get off our bottoms and go for walks. (Photos of us walking were often photo-bombed)

Up in the mountains, we were reminded that the sun can be crowded out by clouds.

On return to Montauban, the heat also returned. But there were finally signs of change…

Perhaps, therefore, the vomiting and diarrhoea suffered by one of our hounds was simply the ‘Device’ informing us of a change of weather. I think that maybe this function should be made optional.

Phil