Gnome-Trek: Episode 7. Into the Plague: Chapter 24

France. The Final Destination.

These are the continuing voyages of the Flying-Brick ‘Gnome’. A four wheel drive Gnomicidal maniac.

Chapter 24: Keeping our Social Distances.

Warning: Contains lewdness and rudeness.

As of writing this, we are now well into the fourth week of the French lockdown, and we are still not too sure of when it is going to end. Rumours abound of extending the lockdown in some form until next June. Despair also abounds. I guess we’re all going to have to keep our distances for a bit longer yet.

The Gnome is often a good way of keeping our distance, but visiting places such as this chateau opens us up to potential harm. We were alert to all risks, but I had not expected to see so many people as we did here.

Despite the rain, despite the time of year, despite the dreaded plague, this place was bustling. It turns out that this is the most visited chateau in France after Versailles. I suspect that it has always been busy in its history as it seems to have been inhabited by royal mistresses and wives of absent lords for most of its time. It's difficult to think of it being anything other than a high-classed whorehouse.

The entry to the estate was well organised. No close contact, no touching, no tongues. All quite impressive. Our first stop was the stables. No, not to stable the Gnome...

Part of the stables is now a cafe. They were well prepared. Customers had to give their details incase tracing would be necessary, and numbers were kept low by the excruciating cost of their food and drink. 

As there were clearly going to be rather too many humanoids pouring directly into the chateau, we delayed a little by wandering around the impressive gardens. Now, as you may be aware, I have a penchant for gardens, having dedicated most of my waking hours to mine own.

These gardens were originally developed by Diane de Poitiers, Henry II's royal mistress. Presumably his other mistresses were less than royal. She was a keen gardener and enjoyed a quick one behind the bicycle sheds with several prominent guys and gals. 

The Chancellory in the Gardens.

The more that I look at the history of France the more fornication I discover. And we thought Boris Johnson was the first stupid fucker to rule a country.