The Art of Seduction
On our return journey to the camp for our nightly ritual of having a bucket of water thrown over us, we took a small detour. We stopped by some rocky ravines, a favourite hunting ground for our elusive caracal. Whilst unsuccessfully searching for these seemingly invisible cats, we heard rumours of a local bigger cat. We headed off at speed towards the suspected beast.
Travelling at speed in the savanna here was not the best of Ian's ideas. Rocks were cunningly hidden in the long stubble, as were other even less savoury things. We soon came a-cropper. We were left stranded and alone. In a region where lions had been recently spotted. In a place with a noticeable lack of public toilets.
Today had plainly not been nearly exciting enough...
The sound of a jeep's undercarriage grinding over a large rock is somewhat disconcerting when you know that the nearest garage is as distant as those missing toilets. Fear not dear readers, Ian leapt to the rescue and out of the truck into the unknown to try to see what we had ground to a halt on, and then instantly leapt up, with a loud squeal, his own height, as he saw a large viper at his feet. I refrained from following him just to get a snake picture for you guys, instead I bravely stayed in the jeep to protect Annick. This was not an ideal environment for taking a stroll, or, more to the point, for taking a pee.
With no help at hand, Ian finally managed to free us from the offending rocks, if not from our impatient bladders.
Meanwhile, little known to us, we were being watched...
Although clearly not impressed at Ian's rock climbing in a jeep abilities, he actually had other things on his mind. Or, to be more precise, on his gonads. This is his story.
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"Ok, here goes nothing. I'm gonna use that new chat-up line that Scar told me about the other day. He reckoned it worked with the ladies every time. Gotta give it a go..."
"Ah! Look! An angel in female form! Brilliant, I can try out my banter."
"'Ello darlin'. Come back to my place bouncy bouncy?"
"Bloody hell, it's working! She just shoved her tail in my mouth! Oh yes! This is definitely my lucky day!"
"I'll just spin her around and put my forearm just so. Now I'm all lined up."
"Er, 'ang on a minute. That's not supposed to happen!"
"I think she's taking the 'Just say no' tactic a little to the extreme."
"Whoo! What's she doing! It doesn't mention this in the books!"
"Bloody hell, there's two of 'em!"
"I'm not sure that she's full of good intentions! Maybe now is not the time to explain that everything you see lives together in a delicate balance."
"My God! She's after a new pair of earrings!"
"Phew, I'm glad that's over. I was told sex was supposed to be enjoyable!"
We thought it best to leave him to try a better technique in private. The bottle of gin we left him might come in handy...
---
Twenty minutes later, as darkness approached, we finally spotted our Daily Leopard. He was high up in a tree, but also also well into Kenyan territory where we were not allowed to go. Although we did sneak in a little way to get this snap in, what was now, very low light.
And the light got even lower.
In a short while, we would be back at camp, late again, for a rapid shower, a slow meal, and a complete absence of seduction technique as we both collapsed into deep sleep.
Hopefully the mice would sleep tonight...
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